Episode 53: Lumpy (The 2015 StarWTF!? Holiday Special)

While The rest of the country celebrates the new Star Wars film, we here at StarWTF!? know that's there's something more important about this time of year. That's right, it's time to cuddle up by the fire and remember that the Star Wars Holiday Special exists. And boy, do we have a big one this year. He's tiny, he's hairy, he's... Lumpy? Yes, the true stand out star of the Star Wars holiday special makes his premiere on our show! We discuss everything from his humble origins to his insane future! Is Lumpy Chewbacca's son? What is his real name exactly? Why is he so darned terrifying? Find out all this and more as we dig into the lumpy carpet that is Lumpy.

It should be noted that before you begin this episode, that this was recorded before we saw The Force Awakens. So, any predictions and guesses that we say are likely false. Please feel free to make fun of us if we manage to say some guess that turned out hilariously wrong.

Download Episode 53 - Lumpy

Lumpawaroo, also known as Waroo, was a Wookiee male who emerged from the shadow of his famous father Chewbacca to become a brave, talented, and powerful warrior within the Rwookrrorrocommunity on the planet Kashyyyk. Born Lumpawarrump in 1 BBYand known as Lumpy throughout his youth, he was raised by his mother Mallatobuck and his grandfather Attichitcuk while Chewbacca served a life debt to and traveled the galaxy with the Human smuggler Han Solo.

Episode 52: PZ-4CO (and The Force Awakens)

We decided to do a very speculative episode on a Force Awakens character that we really know nothing about. Based off of an action figure, we chose PZ-4CO, a Resistance Base Control Room Droid, who is as blue as it gets and has a very cool, yet kind of funky-looking action figure.

The first half of this episode consists of our pre-The Force Awakens speculation and the second is our post-The Force Awakens realizations (and a SPOILER HEAVY brief discussion of the film).  So if you've seen the film, listen away! If you haven't, we tell you when to stop (around 16 minutes and 30 seconds).

So what's up with PZ-4CO? Will this droid be important? Force sensitive? Save the world?

Download Episode 52 - PZ-43O

Episode 51: Battle Droid

Yet again we peer into the deep depths of stupidity that is the Phantom Menace and bring out one of the first things we see on screen. It's the Battle Droid! Those ineffectual robots that we see get taken down by the thousands through out the prequel trilogy and Clone Wars TV show. Listen as we discuss the in and outs of these robot failures and talk about all the dumb things involved in their creation behind the scenes. What does the head of a battle droid look like? How many kinds of them are there? Why where they ineffectual enemies? Is is Gungan or Gunga? Find out as we slash our way through the cannon fodder robots!

Download Episode 51 - Battle Droid

During the Clone Wars, the Confederacy of Independent Systems used a variety of battle droids in their droid army, including B1 battle droids, B2 super battle droids, and Droidekas. The battle droids were often led in military campaigns by the Kaleesh cyborg General Grievous.

Although battle droids were outlawed by the Galactic Empire in the wake of the Clone Wars, companies such as Holowan Laboratories were able to evade the ban by having their products reclassified as security droids.

Episode 50: Midichlorians

No one said we could do it, but we finally did it! We finally got around to talking about Midicholrians! And it also happens to be our Fiftieth episode!

For our first big milestone in podcasting, we sit down and look at one of the most controversial things in the Star Wars history. If you managed to block this microscopic horror from your memory, then allow us to remind you! The tiny germs in your cells are what make the force possible! 

We also managed to bring back Alex from his vacation in a galaxy far far away to discuss his findings. What exactly are midicholrians? How many is too many? Why was this a terrible idea? Find out all of this and more as we pull out our microscopes and do some blood tests live on the air!

Download Episode 50 - Midichlorians

Midi-chlorians were intelligent microscopic life forms that lived symbiotically inside the cells of all living things. When present in sufficient numbers, they could allow their host to detect the pervasive energy field known as the Force. Midi-chlorian counts were linked to potential in the Force, ranging from normal Human levels of 2,500 per cell to the much higher levels of Jedi. The highest known midi-chlorian count—over 20,000 per cell—belonged to the Jedi Anakin Skywalker, who was believed to have been conceived by the midi-chlorians.

Episode 49: Qabbrat

Ah! It's good to be out of a prequel or a expanded universe character and back on to the classics! Today, we talk about the Qabbrat! The good old classic Qabbrat! What? Don't know what that is? Well, you certainly remember it quite well! It's Darth Vader's Meditation chamber from The Empire Strikes Back!

We look in depth to this device, discussing it's innards and speculate what else it does? Does that helmet arm do anything else? Can it transported places? Does he have more? Why is it called a Qabbrat? Found out as our robo arms apply our breathing masks and talk about this weird pod one useless fact at a time.

Download Episode 49 - Qabbrat

Darth Vader's meditation chamber, or Qabbrat[1] was a life support pod that allowed the Sith Lord to survive for extended periods without the helmet and mask of his suit. The injuries Vader sustained during the duel with Obi-Wan Kenobi on Mustafar normally made this impossible.

Episode 48: Gragra

We apologize for once again bringing up the Phantom Menace yet again, but we’ve managed to dig something quite interesting out of the bowels of it’s infinite oddities.

It’s Gragra, the Mos Espa gorgmonger who yells at Jar Jar to stop eating her weird lizard things on strings. While seemingly an obscure character with no back story, Gragra manages to have one of the most bizarre back stories we’ve seen so far. What exactly is Gragra? What’s a Gorgmonger and what exactly is a gorg? What’s Gragra’s home life like? How many gorgs does it take to buy a starship? Find out all of this and more as we discuss this Swokes Swokes one useless fact at a time.

Download Episode 48 - Gragra

Gragra was a Swokes Swokes gorgmonger that worked in the marketplace of Mos Espa. Gragra grew her food in a sewer zone underneath Mos Espa.

Episode 46: B'omarr Monks

Wow. B'omarr Monks really surprised me. There is so much more to them than those creepy spider droids with jarred brains. The spider droid ISN'T REALLY EVEN the B'omarr Monk! This episode was a lesson learned in weird Star Wars information.

Download Episode 46 - B'omarr Monks'

The B'omarr are the monks who built the massive monastery fortress Jabba the Hutt occupies as his palace. They are spider-droids that carry around a nutrient-globe containing a living, sentient brain. These brains are all that remain of the enlightened monks.

Episode 45: Bothans

So WTF is a Bothan and how many of them died to bring us the plans for the second death star.? Did you know they were furry dog/horse/cat like people? 

There’s a lot of non-canon information about Bothans, so we’re getting right down to it.

Download Episode 45 - Bothans

Bothans (pronounced /'bɑθɪn/) were furry mammalian anthropoids, about 1.5 meters tall. Hailing from Bothawui and several colonies, Bothans differed in facial appearance and body structure with canine, feline, and equine features. They were known for being master politicians and spies, craving intrigue and subterfuge.

Episode 44: Shmi Skywalker Lars

It's time to talk about the mother of all villains, Shmi Skywalker. You may not realize this, but she was a character in The Phantom Menace and also seen in Attack of the Clones. We discuss her optimistic beginnings down to her optimistic ending, and how it triggered the demise of Anakin Skywalker.

We also talk a bit about how to fix the prequels!

Download Episode 44 - Shmi Skywalker Lars

Shmi Skywalker Lars, as the oldest known Skywalker ancestor, was the Human mother of the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, as well step-mother to Owen Lars and the paternal grandmother of Luke Skywalkerand Leia Organa Solo. This made her the great-grandmother of Jaina,Jacen, and Anakin Solo, the latter who was named for her son, as well as Ben Skywalker. This also made her the great-great-grandmother of Allana Solo. She was also an ancestor of Nat Skywalker, Kol Skywalker, Cade Skywalker, and Ania Solo.

Episode 43: Mandalorian Armor

Today we discuss Mandalorian Armor. It's more than just the Fett family's choice of clothing. It goes WAY BACK. More than 4000 years back. We look at the changes that were made over the years, improvements (such as protection from rapid beheadings), and the reason for choosing specific colored armor.

Other than that, we just talk about why it's so cool.

Download Episode 43 - Mandalorian Armor

The most recognizable symbol of the Mandalorian culture, Mandalorian armor was a catch-all term for the sets of distinctive full-body armor worn by Mandalorian warriors and soldiers throughout galactic history. Known as beskar'gam in the Mandalorian language of Mando'a—a name which meant "iron skin" when translated into Basic—Mandalorian armor was central to the Mandalorian way of life, and the wearing of armor was one of the Resol'nare, the six tenets that defined the Mandalorian culture.

Episode 42: Kessel Run

This week we discuss the most debated Star Wars goof... the Kessel Run. What is it? And did Han Solo defy time and space in his travels? Or was he just a big old liar?

In trying to get to the bottom of it all, we also learn about the boogie boogie looking-dark side entity,  Abeloth, a small planet that never experienced and earthquake, named Little Kessel, and we discover an unknown of Star Wars / Weightlifting Mashup T-Shirts.

Download Episode 42 - Kessel Run

The Kessel Run was an 18-parsec route used by smugglers to move glitterstim spice from Kessel to an area south of the Si'Klaata Cluster without getting caught by the Imperial ships that were guarding the movement of spice from Kessel's mines.

Episode 41: Zabrak

Today we talk about a species that is pretty much Mike Tyson with horns. That's a little bit of a stretch, but on the surface Zabrak's are just humans with some horns and face tattoos. But is there more deep down? Are these an interesting species?

We take a look at it and find out a few interesting things about what makes them tick, where they came from and what happens when they breed with other species.

Download Episode 41 - Zabrak

The Zabrak, also known as Iridonians when referring to the Zabrak who came from Iridonia, were a carnivorous Near-Human species native to Iridonia, a planet located in the Mid Rim known for its inhospitable terrain and fierce predatory life. They were a species known for having a fierce sense of self-determination and an equally dominant need for independence.

Episode 39: Mount Sorrow

Wow. Just wow.

That might be enough to say about Mount Sorrow. But no, we recorded a full episode about it. How else are we going to speculate on whether or not a talking sentient mountain will appear in Episode 7? (Hint... it won't.)

But yes, Mount Sorrow is actually a thing, and by many opinions, it's one of the worst Star Wars things that has ever existed. So, of course we will be talking about it.

Download Episode 39 - Mount Sorrow

Mount Sorrow was a mountain on the Forest Moon of Endor. The tip of the mountain was in fact sentient, and had the power to both blow people off the summit, or cry tears of healing. Sorrow was a figure of legend in Ewok lore, albeit an obscure one, known only to the shamans and witch doctors of Endor. Sometime during the Imperial era, Mount Sorrow was able to cure budding poet Teebo of the perilous laughing spell, inherited from a loonee bird in the Endor woods.

Episode 38: Vibroblade

It's time to discuss a weapon! Previously we've discussed Chewbacca's Bowcaster, the Lightwhip, the Gaffi Stick, and the Double-Bladed Lightsaber. So what's next?

Naturally, it's the Vibroblade!

While you may or may not know about the Vibroblade, it fills an integral role in the galaxy. They are vibrating swords, essentially, and some are able to hold their own against a lightsaber. Well, only if they are filled with cortosis-weave. DUH.

Download Episode 38 - Vibroblade

Vibroblades were a type of bladed melee vibroweapon that used ultrasonic vibrations to increase cutting effectiveness.

Episode 37: Kal'Falnl C'ndros

This week we take WTF to a whole new level. This character has less screen time than just about anyone else, considering you only see her legs. It's Mos Eisley's huge bird creature Kal'Falnl C'ndros!

WHO?

It's just as ridiculous as you would imagine.

Download Episode 37 - Kal'Falnl C'ndros

Kal'Falnl C'ndros (sometimes known as Kal Fal) was a female Quor'sav trader.

This frame is essentially everything you see in A New Hope.

Possibly a Quor'sav from the Star Wars Holiday Special. 

Episode 36: Speeder Bike

We are back with a vehicle! And not a starship or walker or anything like that. It's the Speeder Bike! Only one of the coolest vehicles in the galaxy.

We look at WHY the speeder bike is so cool and discuss the TWO Return of the Jedi scenes as well as the Revenge of the Sith scene (who knew there was one?). We also discuss the best swing set of all time, the Scout Walker Command Tower by Gym Dandy with bonus Speeder Bike swing. This one's a long one, but a good one.

Download Episode 36 - Speeder Bike

Speeder bikes, also known as hover bikes, were open-air repulsorlift vehicles, usually carrying one or two passengers. Speeder bikes emphasized speed and maneuverability over conventional speeders and were popular with thrill-seeking teenagers and military scouts. A typical speeder bike had a maximum altitude of 10 meters (32 feet) and could thus maneuver deftly over very rough terrain. Some companies manufactured extras like sidecars for speeder bikes.

Episode 35: Count Dooku

In a very sad WTF!? moment last week, we found out that Sir Christopher Lee passed away at the age of 93. While he was known for many, many films, we wanted to get together and reminisce about his days as Dooku, the poorly-named Dark Lord of the Sith. We take a look into his battle scenes, the CGI that surrounds them, his death, and the action figures (with action features) that followed.

Christopher Lee will be missed greatly.

Download Episode 35 - Count Dooku

Dooku was a Jedi Master who fell to the dark side of the Force and became a Dark Lord of the Sith, known as Darth Tyranus. Born into a noble family on the planet Serenno, he was the heir to vast wealth and the noble title of Count. Dooku was taken by the Jedi Order as a child and apprenticed to Thame Cerulian. As a Jedi Knight, he took Qui-Gon Jinn as his first Padawan, and later trained Komari Vosa. Dooku was a respected instructor in the Jedi Temple and one of the most renowned swordsmen in the galaxy, on par only with Masters Yoda and Mace Windu.

RIP Christopher Lee

Episode 34: Death Sticks

This episode has been a long time coming. Today we discuss Death Sticks, you know the illegal substances that Elan Sleazebaggano tries to sell to Obi Wan in Attack of the Clones? It's only one of the weirdest scenes in the prequel trilogy. We research Death Sticks to see what they're all about and try to determine whether or not this is just bad writing, or anti-smoking PSA message in the middle of a Star Wars film? You be the judge.

Download Episode 34 - Death Sticks

Death sticks were a mild hallucinogen primarily sold on Outer Rim worlds, but could be found in abundance on Coruscant. Originally developed in the illegal pharmaceutical labs of CoCo Town, they were relatively cheap and were smuggled into the clubs of cities by slythmongers. The cilona extract offered euphoria in exchange for a horrific outcome, producing a twisted version of reality enhanced by bright colors. With each dose, the user's life was shortened, and the successive dosages took away larger chunks from a lifespan. With each successive dose, the desire for a harder reaction increased. It was thus very difficult for a youth to shake off their addiction without medical assistance.